Random Quiz

The world has almost stopped falling to pieces. The bedroom is warm. Kevin knows it is. He knows, because he turned up the thermostat earlier in the night. He knew what would happen, and he knew that he wouldn't be able to keep up appearances, but he did it anyway. That was what he wanted.

 All of that warmth has vanished. Now, the air is cold against his skin. Every single goosebump on his arms seems to stand out, making it easier to feel. His skin seems to tickle slightly as he moves, just a little, and the silk of the sheets slides down another inch to uncover more skin. Naked. The covers aren't enough to hide him, not the way that he needs to be hidden. He hates feeling that exposed. No one should see him in that state, especially not with how hard he has been crying. Somehow, though, the tears and the cold don't seem to matter. Underneath it all, there is something worse: a creeping numbness. He knows that feeling very well. This isn't the first time this has happened. This won't be the last.

Jaeseop is there. He's only a few inches away, so near that Kevin can feel the sheets shifting with every small breath he takes. All of the anger from their earlier fight is gone, lost to the evening, but it's taken all of the warmth with it.

 Kevin tells himself that if he dares to slide his hand over the sheet, he will find it warm next to the other man. Jaeseop's skin would be warm, too. His back would be smooth and strong, if only Kevin had the power to reach over and touch him. That's what all of Jaeseop is, but he's far out of reach even when he's right there. Kevin isn't the only one who is crying.

 Too many mistakes. They've both made them. Kevin can’t even count how many, but he knows that the number is higher than he wants to think about. That's why their imaginary relationship will never work. The smallest of problems build up slowly, worsening over time. One mistake always leads to another. Lying there in the cool of the evening, shivering with everything he feels, those small errors are all that Kevin can think about, and he knows them well. A slip of the tongue in an interview, a photo uploaded to an oblivious audience, things that should have been said and weren't. Or maybe, things that were said and shouldn't have been.

 The others can't see everything that happens. Maybe they don't know. He's heard those words so many times. They don't know and Even if they did, it wouldn't matter. Lies, piled on top of mistakes, are pushing open all of the tiny fractures in his carefully prepared facade.

 Those little cracks in his shell are the reason for everything. The imperfections, slight as they might be, are the reason that their sometimes affair will never become more. An occasional misstep, an overheard whisper. Those are the reasons he can't reach across the few inches of fabric and allow himself the one thing he truly wants. He tells himself he's content with the way things are. Eventually, he may even believe his own lies.